BENJAMIN FRANKLIN NIGHT: TONIGHT AND TONIGHT ONLY!

From "The Office":



goldflakes (1:35:14 PM): it would be cool if just for the sake or role call in school, a parent names their kid: Niggerfaggot.
goldflakes (1:35:25 PM): its pronounced Tom

FREAKS AND GEEKS

This show is my life. "Embedding disabled by request", but this apparently links to a playlist of the first part of the first episode of Freaks and Geeks.



BEAUTIFUL. This show is brilliant. 1980, what a tender year. I love the transition from the 70's to the 80's. This is what the old pictures of my brothers look like. I bet they were all up in this show.

Dress-up

My cat, Crindee, will not let me dress her. I would like to dress my boyfriend's cat, Muerte.

Here's a nice outfit I've picked out. (from http://www.thesophisticatedcat.com)





So basically, the cat will look like my little cat sister. We shall match.

Also, I never realized how creepy an animal could look if you put it in a hoodie:



Holy cow. Holy CAT.

No wait. Here's a story.
I was working on a project with some kids, when I got a call from my pal Emma who left school last semester. So I was like WOOO EMMA IS IN TOWN!!

Then we saw this dog and she took my picture by it. Apparently it's only a puppy! FREAKISH. The epitome of a mangle-jangled freak. Send it back to Ripley's!!



Unfortunately, I cannot get the photos from the intimate apparel store to send to my computer to my phone. I HATE THIS PHONE.

i am trying to be coherent yet expansive, as i am vast

NOW went away at 1:13:25 PM.
Illinoisemaker (7:02:49 PM): joel
NOW (7:03:03 PM): yes
Illinoisemaker (7:03:05 PM): ihave found you
NOW (7:03:17 PM): you have. how about that!
Illinoisemaker (7:03:22 PM): i have never been this fucked up
NOW (7:03:33 PM): but you're typing just fine
Illinoisemaker (7:03:41 PM): part of me is okay
Illinoisemaker (7:03:44 PM): this is hard
Illinoisemaker (7:03:47 PM): i have hiccups
Illinoisemaker (7:04:19 PM): i dont want reality to come back
Illinoisemaker (7:04:31 PM): i want to tell you my secret
NOW (7:05:13 PM): you and your secrets.
NOW (7:05:32 PM): are you sure you don't want to wait until you're head is a little more clear?
Illinoisemaker (7:05:39 PM): yeah
Illinoisemaker (7:05:48 PM): i want to wait
Illinoisemaker (7:06:06 PM): i threw up a lot
NOW (7:06:24 PM): that sucks. drugs tend to do that...
Illinoisemaker (7:06:51 PM): i just want hiccups to go away
NOW (7:07:41 PM): try holding your breath?
Illinoisemaker (7:08:16 PM): i wanna be with you
NOW (7:09:30 PM): perhaps later?
Illinoisemaker (7:09:42 PM): ok
Illinoisemaker (7:09:54 PM): i'm just scared
Illinoisemaker (7:10:04 PM): of reality
Illinoisemaker (7:10:06 PM): and drugs
Illinoisemaker (7:10:07 PM): and both
NOW (7:11:35 PM): in general, or just because of the trip?
Illinoisemaker (7:11:46 PM): trip
Illinoisemaker (7:13:21 PM): l am in a dream
Illinoisemaker (7:13:32 PM): I am weary
Illinoisemaker (7:14:01 PM): I am in a black hole
NOW (7:14:10 PM): hmm
NOW (7:14:19 PM): at least you didn't do ketamine
Illinoisemaker (7:14:36 PM): what is that
NOW (7:14:55 PM): a tranqualizer, i think
NOW (7:14:57 PM): for animals
NOW (7:15:02 PM): "special K"...
Illinoisemaker (7:15:04 PM): ohhh
NOW (7:15:28 PM): when you take it, you drop into the K hole
Illinoisemaker (7:15:52 PM): yes
NOW (7:16:26 PM): http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/ketamine/ketamine.shtml
Illinoisemaker (7:19:45 PM): shit is crazy
Illinoisemaker (7:20:42 PM): life is a big piece of artwork
NOW (7:21:00 PM): hm
NOW (7:21:09 PM): how long ago did you take that stuff?
Illinoisemaker (7:21:26 PM): 4:30
NOW (7:30:05 PM): ah. sorry, my brain is not on today
Illinoisemaker (7:36:09 PM): nor is mine
Illinoisemaker (7:53:59 PM): giyhglh
NOW (7:54:12 PM): oh?
Illinoisemaker (7:54:43 PM): i am lost
Illinoisemaker (7:54:55 PM): in myself
Illinoisemaker (7:56:20 PM): i am so confused
NOW (7:56:24 PM): maybe you need to focus on other things?
Illinoisemaker (7:56:41 PM): i just want to not exist
Illinoisemaker (7:56:51 PM): or be with you
NOW (7:56:53 PM): noooo
NOW (7:56:56 PM): please exist
Illinoisemaker (7:57:01 PM): i do
Illinoisemaker (7:57:18 PM): i want you near me
Illinoisemaker (7:58:22 PM): i'm sick of life
Illinoisemaker (7:58:26 PM): i just want to be
NOW (8:00:02 PM): well, then be. if you can't change things, you can at least change your approach or your outlook...
Illinoisemaker (8:00:27 PM): i look out
Illinoisemaker (8:00:39 PM): i see you
NOW (8:01:45 PM): my mind is fried right now
Illinoisemaker (8:01:52 PM): why
NOW (8:02:03 PM): I need to get back to my music but I just can't seem to think clearly or much at all
NOW (8:02:11 PM): I'm not really sure
Illinoisemaker (8:02:32 PM): we must unite
Illinoisemaker (8:02:39 PM): unify
Illinoisemaker (8:02:51 PM): make right from wrong\
NOW (8:04:08 PM): oh, how so?
Illinoisemaker (8:05:22 PM): i will tell you in person
NOW (8:05:27 PM): hm
NOW (8:06:08 PM): you're just trying to get me to come pick you up, aren't you
Illinoisemaker (8:06:34 PM): i have absolutely no motives
NOW (8:06:45 PM): orly?
Illinoisemaker (8:06:49 PM): yeah
NOW (8:06:51 PM): not even one?
Illinoisemaker (8:07:01 PM): except that i have to tell you the secret
NOW (8:07:16 PM): right. how big of a secret is this?
Illinoisemaker (8:07:37 PM): i think you know it
NOW (8:07:54 PM): well it wouldn't be much of a secret
NOW (8:07:57 PM): if i knew it
Illinoisemaker (8:08:05 PM): i haven't spoken it
NOW (8:08:09 PM): true
Illinoisemaker (8:09:38 PM): i'm frightened
NOW (8:09:48 PM): of what?
Illinoisemaker (8:10:18 PM): my future
NOW (8:11:10 PM): just by knowing what to do with it, or something in particular that you're anticipating?
Illinoisemaker (8:11:54 PM): i am afraid of upcoming events and also the unknown
NOW (8:12:21 PM): hmm
NOW (8:12:26 PM): care to elaborate?
NOW (8:12:45 PM): or should I ask later?
Illinoisemaker (8:13:32 PM): the end of school. summer. the end of this trip. reality approaching. telling my parents. getting help. figuring things out. returning to the real world.

I believe in Joanna Newsom. She is some sort of goddess, and she's plainly real.

She's so beautiful!!

So is this song:
http://www.imeem.com/jukeboxmusic8/music/rq6z4u_W/sunny-day-real-estate-song-about-an-angel-album/

Man:
So I say
Still away
Sleep close my eyes
An image of
Your face
Traced in white sand
Underneath
Undefined
I lay down
With arms outstreched
I embrace the fall

And all the time
I tried
To let you know
Discomfort comes clearly

Sometimes you see right through me

Angel:
Words, words
You're married to that
You're married to that
You're married to your pain

Man:
Although you hit me hard
I come back
The earth cries
And I call
On the inside
Running behind
Which one will I face?
Running behind
Which one will I...

Angel:
Thin comfort
In what I say
My back is turned
I halo my soul
For a while
And all the time
I tried
To let you know
Discomfort
Comes clearly
When I shout

Man:
Sometimes you see right through me

Angel:
Words, words
You're married to that
You're married to that
You're married to your pain

Man:
Although you hit me hard
I come back
The earth cries
And I fall
On the inside
Running behind
Which one will I face?
Running behind
Which one will I...

And here's a frightening video from Bat For Lashes:



So the other night I ate at Taco Bell with my boyfriend. Who goes to Taco Bell in the evening?
1. Cookie-cutter families whose children and beefy teens wear baseball uniforms in public.
2. A large Indian family.
3. Hispanic family in which at least two members were wearing cowboy boots with legit spurs.
4. A horrifying woman in her 50s with bleached, spiked hair and a tiny black dress with long sleeves.
5. Us.

Bad Advertising

Golden Grahams: With Ridges that Rock!


Is that really your best selling point??

Plus there is an ugly-ass kid on the back.


Sorry for the shitty phone picture.

But for real, even when I was 12 I wouldn't have thought he was hot. Fuck Golden Grahams.

Rainbow Connection (No Homo)

I make myself laugh. I'm 12.

Today's colorful musical act, Architecture in Helsinki:


Hold Music


That Beep

Kellie Sutherland is so cute.



I would like to be her.

These are the best days of my life.

God needs humans to exist. Some humans need for a god to exist.

I want a Hot and a Cold faucet tattooed on me. Because these times in the shower are the best. I've never felt better. I have never felt better.

I used to have a blog and the rule was, it would be public but I would write as if no one would read it. This time, it's more like, I am actually writing to people because people will inevitably read this, in this case.

Cola is such a fun, cultural drink.
Here is a little Warhol to blow your mind:


Here's Kermit and Debbie Harry:

I only wish the video were more colorful.

Here's someone colorful!!



Approx. four packs of gushers later...

My pick for stupid talents:



Guys, I have a confession. I am a homophobophobe.

I am afraid of homophobes. What is more frightening than a person who is afraid of homosexuals? (No Cuomo)

PIMP PAYS PROSTITUTE WITH CHICKEN NUGGETS?!
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,25264768-1702,00.html?from=public_rss

That story...followed by this video...

Mangle Jangles, reporting for duty.

This post is outer space-themed, and I am your CapCom, Gary Sinese.

Co-CapCom Goldflakes says..."I think someone should invent buttfloss and sell it. I think someone should take some yarn, and floss their butt with it. And then sell it."



"I would wear pants forever."


Which brings me to one of my very favorite movies, Me and You and Everyone We Know. And here comes the best part.



*swooooon*


THINGS THAT WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF YOU HAD "TWO BUTTS":
IDEAS BY ARIANNE MYLES.

-Bicycle Seats
-Baby Swings
-Pads
-Pants
-See-Saws
-Leotards
-Toilets
------------------------------------------------
the (1:54:21 PM): YO
Illinoisemaker (1:55:01 PM): HIHIHI
the (1:55:18 PM): WANNA SEE A PIC OF MY ROOM/DESK?
Illinoisemaker (1:55:23 PM): YES
the (1:57:40 PM): U sure?
Illinoisemaker (1:57:45 PM): yes
Illinoisemaker (1:57:47 PM): i'm ready*


*~~OO~~

I've dyed my hair

My mom will hate me but I had fun okay?

TEEN ANGST.

Cab Calloway's Reefer Man

A second ago, I accidentally typed "reefre" but it looks really cool.

Without further ado, Cab Calloway.



These people were so ahead of their time. What I mean is, this present day is...nevermind. Here's another theory, from Goldflakes*:

The Scatterplan.

Envision a parent with two kids (4-7), walking down St. George Street...Kidnapper #1 takes a kid, Kidnapper #2 takes a kid, and they run in opposite directions with the children. Which way does Daddy run?

We'll say he runs after Kidnapper #1. But is he running after his child or the criminal?

Kidnapper #1 drops the kid and keeps running. Does Dad pick up the kid and hug them, or is Dad totally pissed and runs after the napper?

Choose your own adventure.

Dad runs after Kidnapper #1, and meanwhile, Kidnapper #2 pulls around the street in the Rape Van, grabs the other kid, and leaves.


*Turn your dandruff into gold!!!



*Turn your dandruff into gold!!!

Something everyone should see.

The greatest porn intro ever:




There isn't much I can say about this. It speaks for itself.

But wasn't this monster seen in Borneo or whatever?



Yep. It's gotta be dead now. That guy in the porno took it down.

NEW! MARMALUNG

CENSORSHIPCENSORSHIPCENSORSHIP


GOLDFLAKES SUCKS

Fotos

Here are a series of photos of my friends heads pasted on the bodies of marzipan babies.







A picture is worth a thousand words. Does that count in a paper for school?

Jason McKenzie is a loony

You know that guy who adds everybody on facebook? So you'll go to his church events? There's something not right about Mr. McKenzie.

Here are some quotes from facebook statuses:

Jason Mckenzie St. Augustine Peeps, Dont forget tomorrow morning 10:30 St. Augustine highschool for Celebration Church. If you haven't been yet, come check it out

Jason Mckenzie i am so stoked this morning to know that I am apart of what God is doing in the earth...

Jason Mckenzie Its so rad i get to serve God today

Jason Mckenzie God is so big

I don't know if this link fucking works, but look, people really need to watch this guy's videos. He's such a buffoon.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=687918202&v=feed&story_fbid=75123369584#/video/video.php?v=503225451042&oid=38465611118

Did he say "off the chain" somewhere in there?

So this guy is like 27 but he wants to be 17? And looks 37? Not gonna not be creepy.

!0:00 AM, eatin' chocolates, ripping shit off (copy-cate-ing)

I'm starting a band called Black Baby Bandit. Anyone who wants to be in it can be in it. It's basically going to be Bright Eyes, except I'm a "chick", a word that has lost all meaning. Counselors will be writing that in their books on slang analysis. Do you really want that?

This is the pus of the internet. It is a cathartic e-scrapbook, the 'e' stands for experience. The last 'c' in 'cathartic' stands for cheesy. Which is what I am and what I shall eat. Be right back.

!0:!5 AM eatin' cheese. I hope someone appreciates all of this. For some awful reason, I have high hopes.

Maybe it's because I watch so much H.R. Pufnstuf.





And the parody is just as great!




Don't google "frenulum". Well, I didn't know what it was.

In other news, the Roommate is hunting for her "gray" "scarf" I guess. I think she's just preparing for the Insemination. She's speaking in Japanese code.

!0:33 Gotta investigate. Be back later.