i am trying to be coherent yet expansive, as i am vast

NOW went away at 1:13:25 PM.
Illinoisemaker (7:02:49 PM): joel
NOW (7:03:03 PM): yes
Illinoisemaker (7:03:05 PM): ihave found you
NOW (7:03:17 PM): you have. how about that!
Illinoisemaker (7:03:22 PM): i have never been this fucked up
NOW (7:03:33 PM): but you're typing just fine
Illinoisemaker (7:03:41 PM): part of me is okay
Illinoisemaker (7:03:44 PM): this is hard
Illinoisemaker (7:03:47 PM): i have hiccups
Illinoisemaker (7:04:19 PM): i dont want reality to come back
Illinoisemaker (7:04:31 PM): i want to tell you my secret
NOW (7:05:13 PM): you and your secrets.
NOW (7:05:32 PM): are you sure you don't want to wait until you're head is a little more clear?
Illinoisemaker (7:05:39 PM): yeah
Illinoisemaker (7:05:48 PM): i want to wait
Illinoisemaker (7:06:06 PM): i threw up a lot
NOW (7:06:24 PM): that sucks. drugs tend to do that...
Illinoisemaker (7:06:51 PM): i just want hiccups to go away
NOW (7:07:41 PM): try holding your breath?
Illinoisemaker (7:08:16 PM): i wanna be with you
NOW (7:09:30 PM): perhaps later?
Illinoisemaker (7:09:42 PM): ok
Illinoisemaker (7:09:54 PM): i'm just scared
Illinoisemaker (7:10:04 PM): of reality
Illinoisemaker (7:10:06 PM): and drugs
Illinoisemaker (7:10:07 PM): and both
NOW (7:11:35 PM): in general, or just because of the trip?
Illinoisemaker (7:11:46 PM): trip
Illinoisemaker (7:13:21 PM): l am in a dream
Illinoisemaker (7:13:32 PM): I am weary
Illinoisemaker (7:14:01 PM): I am in a black hole
NOW (7:14:10 PM): hmm
NOW (7:14:19 PM): at least you didn't do ketamine
Illinoisemaker (7:14:36 PM): what is that
NOW (7:14:55 PM): a tranqualizer, i think
NOW (7:14:57 PM): for animals
NOW (7:15:02 PM): "special K"...
Illinoisemaker (7:15:04 PM): ohhh
NOW (7:15:28 PM): when you take it, you drop into the K hole
Illinoisemaker (7:15:52 PM): yes
NOW (7:16:26 PM): http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/ketamine/ketamine.shtml
Illinoisemaker (7:19:45 PM): shit is crazy
Illinoisemaker (7:20:42 PM): life is a big piece of artwork
NOW (7:21:00 PM): hm
NOW (7:21:09 PM): how long ago did you take that stuff?
Illinoisemaker (7:21:26 PM): 4:30
NOW (7:30:05 PM): ah. sorry, my brain is not on today
Illinoisemaker (7:36:09 PM): nor is mine
Illinoisemaker (7:53:59 PM): giyhglh
NOW (7:54:12 PM): oh?
Illinoisemaker (7:54:43 PM): i am lost
Illinoisemaker (7:54:55 PM): in myself
Illinoisemaker (7:56:20 PM): i am so confused
NOW (7:56:24 PM): maybe you need to focus on other things?
Illinoisemaker (7:56:41 PM): i just want to not exist
Illinoisemaker (7:56:51 PM): or be with you
NOW (7:56:53 PM): noooo
NOW (7:56:56 PM): please exist
Illinoisemaker (7:57:01 PM): i do
Illinoisemaker (7:57:18 PM): i want you near me
Illinoisemaker (7:58:22 PM): i'm sick of life
Illinoisemaker (7:58:26 PM): i just want to be
NOW (8:00:02 PM): well, then be. if you can't change things, you can at least change your approach or your outlook...
Illinoisemaker (8:00:27 PM): i look out
Illinoisemaker (8:00:39 PM): i see you
NOW (8:01:45 PM): my mind is fried right now
Illinoisemaker (8:01:52 PM): why
NOW (8:02:03 PM): I need to get back to my music but I just can't seem to think clearly or much at all
NOW (8:02:11 PM): I'm not really sure
Illinoisemaker (8:02:32 PM): we must unite
Illinoisemaker (8:02:39 PM): unify
Illinoisemaker (8:02:51 PM): make right from wrong\
NOW (8:04:08 PM): oh, how so?
Illinoisemaker (8:05:22 PM): i will tell you in person
NOW (8:05:27 PM): hm
NOW (8:06:08 PM): you're just trying to get me to come pick you up, aren't you
Illinoisemaker (8:06:34 PM): i have absolutely no motives
NOW (8:06:45 PM): orly?
Illinoisemaker (8:06:49 PM): yeah
NOW (8:06:51 PM): not even one?
Illinoisemaker (8:07:01 PM): except that i have to tell you the secret
NOW (8:07:16 PM): right. how big of a secret is this?
Illinoisemaker (8:07:37 PM): i think you know it
NOW (8:07:54 PM): well it wouldn't be much of a secret
NOW (8:07:57 PM): if i knew it
Illinoisemaker (8:08:05 PM): i haven't spoken it
NOW (8:08:09 PM): true
Illinoisemaker (8:09:38 PM): i'm frightened
NOW (8:09:48 PM): of what?
Illinoisemaker (8:10:18 PM): my future
NOW (8:11:10 PM): just by knowing what to do with it, or something in particular that you're anticipating?
Illinoisemaker (8:11:54 PM): i am afraid of upcoming events and also the unknown
NOW (8:12:21 PM): hmm
NOW (8:12:26 PM): care to elaborate?
NOW (8:12:45 PM): or should I ask later?
Illinoisemaker (8:13:32 PM): the end of school. summer. the end of this trip. reality approaching. telling my parents. getting help. figuring things out. returning to the real world.