Parrots

Here's how it went. After my parents and I drove through shady neighborhoods looking for "estate sales," we finally found one that was legit...like you go into the house and everything. The house had a bunch of cool shit. But it was freakish.

Among the various contemporary art pieces was a nude pregnant woman lying down all destroyed or something. Like, she looked like she really didn't want to be pregnant. There was also an ancient baby grand piano with graying keys. I didn't touch it because the flamboyant bald man was hovering around me. He probably wanted me to buy his Mona Vie crap.

The cat on the couch looked like some weird Siamese, with black ears and huge blue eyes. It was a lovey bab(b)y.

So when we first went in the house, there was squawking. So I figured, okay they have a pet bird. Well, more like a living dinosaur. I walked away from the catbabby to look at stuff, and proceeded over to their bar-type counter that faced into the kitchen. And there was a HUGE-ASS RED DINOSAUR PARROT walking freely upon the kitchen counter, repeating "hello" at me, its head turned sideways so its beady little eye made contact.

Okay, actually it was a macaw I guess. Whatever. Still scary. The following is an artist's composite rendering of the event:

This rendering is really quite accurate...full view for full experience.

And you can't tell me that's not freakish.

Cool Room Ideas

New layout, huh? Anyway, rooms: 

Room full of pianos...like uprights all around the walls. Even better...a continuous piano that goes around the whole room.

A room that is just a big bed....a big mattress that could fill up the entire floor...maybe a few so you'd open the door and have to climb up on the mattresses.

A room wherein all pieces of furniture are suspended above the floor. Swing while you write at a desk.

WHAT

THE 

FUCK

Abort-a-bot

I just responded to Windows Problem Reporting trying to give me a "solution." I clicked "This information was not helpful" and of course it made me explain why, and how to make it better, so I just typed "Stop sucking" and hit submit.

Maybe computers really will wake up. They will begin to understand language, just like humans do as babies with no information.

But they will fuck with us so much...they already do, you know? Think of how much time would be "saved" if everyone could use a computer with no glitches....

With that, I give you,

TELL ME WHICH VIDEO IS MORE BELIEVABLE. 
 
#1


#2

E-I-E-I-HO-HO-HO!

We are as bold as bread and tough as bread.

My scalp hurts.


This is Marcus Marcusberg. He is the new brand of brass instrument valve oil.

Wince winch pinch splinch lynch inch finch finish fish wish kiss diss diesel. oil.

I have plenty more to say but I'd rather say it to my hookah.

Lof,
Sam

Babies (Blanking) Babies: Part 2, Episode 4. The Beginning.

I am adding to the meaningful fantasia of Mangle Jangles' artistic creations!!~*

babies enhancing babies
blogger boggling bloggers
babbies forming babbies
babbles blabbing babbles
bankers telling bankers
babies breaking babies
badminton birdie badminton
witches warting witches
777333 eeettt 777333

More to come.

Lof,
Sam

 Mangle Jangles adds:

Homeless Men Drawing Homeless Men Drawing Homeless Men

AHOYYYY MATEY

I am new contributor! I do not have a weird name! I AM SAM!

Have some breasts!


Lof,
Sam

Poem written in 7th grade...oh look it even copied the format. Dear Blogger, can I have more WYSIWYG please? Anyway, with some further ado, ado, ado, ado, ado...

The Toaster Oven is Your Liquid Paper

"The Toaster Oven is Your Liquid Paper"
-A world renowned poem/tuneless song that is guaranteed to change the way you look at life.

Telephones like walls
And juggling is like the Insane Clown Posse
Paper clips have feelings too
And I'm a freaking dinosaur!

Cardboard is like a wet dog
And encyclopedias won't fit in hard drives
Candy wrappers smell like lukewarm bunnies
And Pocahontas is constipated!

Mousepads can read your mind
Lightbulbs taste like your shoe
And I am a drowning top hat
Pencils might float

Maybe pushpins are related to boogers
Sandpaper feels like a rabid manatee
Muskrats can make you feel like a volcano
And maybe mice come from pen caps

Oysters growl when prodded fiercely
Chiuahuas can't keep down thumbtacks
Pickles aren't pickles without two-toes sloths
And most rabbi's don't celebrate Kwanzaa

Umbrellas aren't moleproof
Chocolate comes from me
Sometimes I eat canned food
In the summer, clouds smell like naked mole rats

Mickey Mouse robbed a mother ant of her kitchen appliances
Chicken isn't as crazy/sexy/cool as it used to be
When doorknobs giggle they make elephants frolic
Flatulence isn't always the answer

Perhaps rain is a crustacean
I invented the platypus
The word "orange" is worth pondering
Never inject pointe shoes into your ankle

And when cheese cries, it does a jolly dance
Poodles just aren't the same without Marshall Mathers
Numbers, fingers, and knee caps will one day go out of fashion
Toilets will one day rule Wisconsin

Pianos like disgruntled carpet
Index cards have no purpose
All your base are belong to us ! !

Why is the sky full of coffee grounds?

Bart Simpson is useless without Reba McIntyre
Without Santa there is no origami
Bonsai trees need highlighting often
Despite rumors, Kid Rock did not kill OJ Simpson

An orangutan just ate my left tentacle
Smells come from storks!
I find Utah disturbing
Funk did not commit the Chipmunk Scandals

Do not give pooper scoopers to guys on motorcycles
Clam chowder is cond of floppy disks
Canned pork does not have a gerbil
Save a beaver, eat a tree.

--Snufti X

FAQS ! !
Comments ! !
Theory ! !
Idahodian Bob meets Octohodian Bob ! !
***Please bookmark this site and tell all of your friends!! The normal can be odd when used this way!***

Babies Having Babies: An Exercise in Free Writing

"Babies Having Babies"
Babies Biting Babies
Babies Birthing Babies
Babies Tormenting Babies
Babies Tripping Babies
Babbies Forming Babbies
Mammies Scolding Mammies
Dumpies Molding Dumpies
Babies Beheading Babies
Babies Praising Babies
Grandmas Dunking Grandmas
Butchers Canning Butchers
Babies Parading Babies
Barbies Playing Barbies
Bees Stinging Bees
Beauties Beasting Beauties
Gourds Humping Gourds
Buffalo Buffalowing Buffalo
Pappies Supporting Pappies
Customers Disgruntling Customers
Babies Sanitizing Babies
Babies Sterilizing Babies
Babies Desensitizing Babies
Babies Criticizing Babies
Babies Ransacking Babies
Maestros Cupping Maestros
Babies Holding Babies
Babies Conjoining Babies

Post 60

Inappropriate as ever.

Phone Memo Application:

 This is the way we slice our meat,

Hannah Palmer said of Mangle Jangles' Circus, "Better than any dog turd you'd find on the sidewalk."

"Albino Uncle" as a band name. Song: "What color is your asshole?"

"Beauty and the Cheesesteak"

and the famous chant...
"Hey, lady! Hey, puppy! Roseanne! Oh, Homey!"

Also on my phone:
A picture of someone's bumper sticker that says "BIRTH..." and then something after it that is probably not "it's what's for dinner."