Parrots

Here's how it went. After my parents and I drove through shady neighborhoods looking for "estate sales," we finally found one that was legit...like you go into the house and everything. The house had a bunch of cool shit. But it was freakish.

Among the various contemporary art pieces was a nude pregnant woman lying down all destroyed or something. Like, she looked like she really didn't want to be pregnant. There was also an ancient baby grand piano with graying keys. I didn't touch it because the flamboyant bald man was hovering around me. He probably wanted me to buy his Mona Vie crap.

The cat on the couch looked like some weird Siamese, with black ears and huge blue eyes. It was a lovey bab(b)y.

So when we first went in the house, there was squawking. So I figured, okay they have a pet bird. Well, more like a living dinosaur. I walked away from the catbabby to look at stuff, and proceeded over to their bar-type counter that faced into the kitchen. And there was a HUGE-ASS RED DINOSAUR PARROT walking freely upon the kitchen counter, repeating "hello" at me, its head turned sideways so its beady little eye made contact.

Okay, actually it was a macaw I guess. Whatever. Still scary. The following is an artist's composite rendering of the event:

This rendering is really quite accurate...full view for full experience.

And you can't tell me that's not freakish.

Cool Room Ideas

New layout, huh? Anyway, rooms: 

Room full of pianos...like uprights all around the walls. Even better...a continuous piano that goes around the whole room.

A room that is just a big bed....a big mattress that could fill up the entire floor...maybe a few so you'd open the door and have to climb up on the mattresses.

A room wherein all pieces of furniture are suspended above the floor. Swing while you write at a desk.

WHAT

THE 

FUCK

Abort-a-bot

I just responded to Windows Problem Reporting trying to give me a "solution." I clicked "This information was not helpful" and of course it made me explain why, and how to make it better, so I just typed "Stop sucking" and hit submit.

Maybe computers really will wake up. They will begin to understand language, just like humans do as babies with no information.

But they will fuck with us so much...they already do, you know? Think of how much time would be "saved" if everyone could use a computer with no glitches....

With that, I give you,

TELL ME WHICH VIDEO IS MORE BELIEVABLE. 
 
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#2

E-I-E-I-HO-HO-HO!

We are as bold as bread and tough as bread.

My scalp hurts.


This is Marcus Marcusberg. He is the new brand of brass instrument valve oil.

Wince winch pinch splinch lynch inch finch finish fish wish kiss diss diesel. oil.

I have plenty more to say but I'd rather say it to my hookah.

Lof,
Sam