Sunday, May 30, 2010

The Toaster Oven is Your Liquid Paper

Poem written in 7th grade...oh look it even copied the format. Dear Blogger, can I have more WYSIWYG please? Anyway, with some further ado, ado, ado, ado, ado...

The Toaster Oven is Your Liquid Paper

"The Toaster Oven is Your Liquid Paper"
-A world renowned poem/tuneless song that is guaranteed to change the way you look at life.

Telephones like walls
And juggling is like the Insane Clown Posse
Paper clips have feelings too
And I'm a freaking dinosaur!

Cardboard is like a wet dog
And encyclopedias won't fit in hard drives
Candy wrappers smell like lukewarm bunnies
And Pocahontas is constipated!

Mousepads can read your mind
Lightbulbs taste like your shoe
And I am a drowning top hat
Pencils might float

Maybe pushpins are related to boogers
Sandpaper feels like a rabid manatee
Muskrats can make you feel like a volcano
And maybe mice come from pen caps

Oysters growl when prodded fiercely
Chiuahuas can't keep down thumbtacks
Pickles aren't pickles without two-toes sloths
And most rabbi's don't celebrate Kwanzaa

Umbrellas aren't moleproof
Chocolate comes from me
Sometimes I eat canned food
In the summer, clouds smell like naked mole rats

Mickey Mouse robbed a mother ant of her kitchen appliances
Chicken isn't as crazy/sexy/cool as it used to be
When doorknobs giggle they make elephants frolic
Flatulence isn't always the answer

Perhaps rain is a crustacean
I invented the platypus
The word "orange" is worth pondering
Never inject pointe shoes into your ankle

And when cheese cries, it does a jolly dance
Poodles just aren't the same without Marshall Mathers
Numbers, fingers, and knee caps will one day go out of fashion
Toilets will one day rule Wisconsin

Pianos like disgruntled carpet
Index cards have no purpose
All your base are belong to us ! !

Why is the sky full of coffee grounds?

Bart Simpson is useless without Reba McIntyre
Without Santa there is no origami
Bonsai trees need highlighting often
Despite rumors, Kid Rock did not kill OJ Simpson

An orangutan just ate my left tentacle
Smells come from storks!
I find Utah disturbing
Funk did not commit the Chipmunk Scandals

Do not give pooper scoopers to guys on motorcycles
Clam chowder is cond of floppy disks
Canned pork does not have a gerbil
Save a beaver, eat a tree.

--Snufti X

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Comments ! !

Theory ! !

Idahodian Bob meets Octohodian Bob ! !

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Babies Having Babies: An Exercise in Free Writing

"Babies Having Babies"
Babies Biting Babies
Babies Birthing Babies
Babies Tormenting Babies
Babies Tripping Babies
Babbies Forming Babbies
Mammies Scolding Mammies
Dumpies Molding Dumpies
Babies Beheading Babies
Babies Praising Babies
Grandmas Dunking Grandmas
Butchers Canning Butchers
Babies Parading Babies
Barbies Playing Barbies
Bees Stinging Bees
Beauties Beasting Beauties
Gourds Humping Gourds
Buffalo Buffalowing Buffalo
Pappies Supporting Pappies
Customers Disgruntling Customers
Babies Sanitizing Babies
Babies Sterilizing Babies
Babies Desensitizing Babies
Babies Criticizing Babies
Babies Ransacking Babies
Maestros Cupping Maestros
Babies Holding Babies
Babies Conjoining Babies

Friday, May 28, 2010

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Phone Memo Application:

 This is the way we slice our meat,

Hannah Palmer said of Mangle Jangles' Circus, "Better than any dog turd you'd find on the sidewalk."

"Albino Uncle" as a band name. Song: "What color is your asshole?"

"Beauty and the Cheesesteak"

and the famous chant...
"Hey, lady! Hey, puppy! Roseanne! Oh, Homey!"

Also on my phone:
A picture of someone's bumper sticker that says "BIRTH..." and then something after it that is probably not "it's what's for dinner."

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Babyfacehead

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you....

A BABY LICKUMS!!!


I am sorry. Because I just found THIS.


Yvette's Bridal Formal

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

No words, except "hero."

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

It Ain't Fittin', It Just Ain't Fittin'!

HAPPY MAMMY'S DAY!!!
May 5th is Mammy's Day!
ANOTHER OUTDATED HOLIDAY LIVING IN THE SHADOW OF MOTHER'S DAY.
 











Mammy smells the suspicious scent of racism in the south.


But she is a strong, independent black woman who should be respected for all her hard work!



THANKS MAMMY!!!!














A Mammy Monument.



Don't be grumpy Mammy!!!









Be a happy Mammy!!!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Summar Gurls by LFO (Let's FOrget)

As I conquer my Internet territory little by little, I can only hope the sun will one day never set upon my beautiful, tiny empire.








My milky lens has popped out!






Oh sorry about the Rasputin leak. Back in your room, Grigori.



Here's some more pictures.


Saturday, April 10, 2010

Female Bodybuilder Day

I officially proclaim today Female Bodybuilder Day. It's like Halloween, but scarier and without the candy. Or we could make it a candy holiday. Whatever. It's just unpleasant. 





Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Tall Tales Part II

Old Danny Coonhat(back row) advocated integration of races. See how he juxtaposes this sassy Native American next to his ginger wife and Aryan Pirate Boy.

















ATTN:


THIS BLOGGLE IS BEING INTERRUPTED BY:









HENRY DAVID THOREAU