MANGLE JANGLES' CIRCUS

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2011-08-30T22:28:00.002-04:00

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ILOVEYOU

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Why Does It Have A Vagina?

2011-05-15T21:47:00.000-04:00

"She totally looks like a vagina.

Even the little asshole man at the bottom."

Pun intended.

More Tall Tales

2011-05-10T22:16:00.001-04:00

You might recall some tall tales told on this blog before:
http://manglejangles.blogspot.com/2010/03/tall-tales.html

Well, here is another tale of significant height.

The SECRET OF UNCLE RACHEL~~~

This is Uncle Rachel. I gave him life, unfortunately.

Uncle Rachel currently hides his orange nipples beneath his lover, Miss Petunia.

Uncle Rachel's Secret: the top of his head upside down. WTF IS THAT.

Picture Dump Again

2011-05-10T22:06:00.000-04:00

My Favorite Pep-Pep Doll

Oh how I wish I had $12 to spare...

Momcat, the Lumpiest Cat

Me and a Fer't

Waterskies

2011-04-22T11:52:00.002-04:00

It's silly when you think you have a great, original idea and then you just end up animating the cover to the red hot chili pepper's Californication.

I, for one, find comfort in knowing there is weird stuff all around us.

I made this for jesus

2011-04-15T20:49:00.001-04:00

I Whip My Whip Back and Forth

2011-03-17T00:35:00.000-04:00

"The ones that I think will scare me, I just don't enlarge the picture." ~Goldflakes about my artwork

I have been uploading lots of artworks here.
http://www.pa-g.co/index.php?p=view_portfolio&u=117

The Goldflake Clown

Here's some great pictures.

The Corn Pops Meal belonging to Goldflakes.

Joel's Smoke Detector with a weird little goblinface.

Mushroom Truck

Not Quite

2011-01-29T19:42:00.000-05:00

http://www.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/schools/oaklandes/mathstudentworkpages/gr4un5page3.html

Thank you, ladies.

Now thank me. Full view!

Picture Dump

2011-01-10T01:52:00.000-05:00

I forget what I typed into Google Image Search to get these...

Now here are some family photos!

An excellent example of terrible taxidermy: Kama Sutra Frogs, Antique shop at the Waldo Flea Market, FL

Fine Literature

2010-12-20T05:00:00.000-05:00

Saw this at Books-a-Million today. Just making myself more familiar with contemporary literature.

http://www.amazon.com/Diary-Street-Diva-Ashley-JaQuavis/dp/1601621418/ref=sr_1_6?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1292837764&sr=1-6

"Diary of a Street Diva is an urban tale of a young woman lost in the world of sex, money, and mayhem. Keyshawn is a good girl who runs into a bad situation and her story is told through her diary after her death. What would you do if the man of your dreams who you thought was a music executive turned out to be a drug dealer? Would you stay with him and live the life of diva he provides or would you leave and return to your mother streets? That's the question Keyshawn struggles with for almost two years and when she finally makes a decision her life is tragically taken"

http://www.amazon.com/Flexin-Sexin-2-Ashley-Jaquavis/dp/1934230812/ref=sr_1_10?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1292837764&sr=1-10

"This review is from: Flexin & Sexin Volume 2 (Paperback)Flexin' and Sexin' Volume 2 is a must Have in your collection type of book! The stories had me yelling out "Oh My" it was just that steamy. I loved Treasure E. Blue's story Butta Love. Butta love is a must read it is a story about a woman who is bored with her marriage and wants something better from her husband in the bedroom, but when her bestfriend takes her to an exotic club for her birthday where the men do everything to women it starts from there. This story is full of drama, sex, and an ending that will leave you with your mouth wide open! The story by Dashawn Taylor titled The Breath Taker is a great mystery that again will have you on the ride of your life. The standout story in this book is Ashley and Jaquavis' story "Moving Weight" This story is so good with an amazing twist you will be shocked! These stories not only are erotic but the they are thrillers as well and those stories are just the beginning.You should definitely put this book on your list of hot Summer reads!"

Straight from Steve Harvey's Teeth

2010-11-24T23:48:00.001-05:00

I can't get over this:

Feature Presentation

2010-11-15T10:01:00.000-05:00

And now for our feature presentation:
Killer Purses by Goldflakes (feat. Mangle Jangles as Sally the Russian vampire)

Bort's Report

2010-11-07T01:13:00.000-04:00

Something beautiful just happened to Goldflakes.
We'll see it soon.

In other news, Bort says it is raining.
In his heart.

I got done
watching Super High Me
(starring Drog Bonson).

I had one
minute left to spare
before

my crops withered
on Adolt Swom's
Hemp Tycoon.

BLORSTS FROM THE PORST

Twinkea Pigs

2010-11-04T17:10:00.002-04:00

"Guinea pigs...are Twinkie-shaped chipmunks." ~Goldflakes

It's the Twinkea Pig!

Bond villain: weekend warrior

2010-10-20T00:30:00.002-04:00

2010-10-15T22:51:00.000-04:00

Things that start with B that people don't want to read about:

Bikeuaryfest
Bikebruaryfest
Barchfest
Bikerilfest
Bikeayfest
Bunefest
Bulyfest
Bikeustfest
Biketemberfest
Biketoberfest
Bikevemberfest
Bikecemberfest
Body builder women (hey, I only posted pictures of them)
Bort (Just kidding everyone likes BORT!)

"I really don't like his face. He's one of the ugliest people still living." ~Goldflakes on John Madden

COME ON STEVE HARVEY

I have a secret crush on a boy named BORT

.*~LUV~*.

Neti Pot

2010-10-03T12:51:00.000-04:00

From www.Toothpastefordinner.com

~~^^NETI POT.^^~~

^^NASALINE^^

Oh God, View Large

2010-09-30T22:44:00.000-04:00

Bort

2010-09-27T20:57:00.001-04:00

I would like to recognize Bort Valade as an outstanding citizen of the world. I can only hope to one day re-unite and join forces with this nomadic creature.

Here is an original Bort from his series,

"what if you had a party and everyone was dogs"

Too Much Time

2010-09-23T12:31:00.000-04:00

Fuckin' miracles...how do they work?

Now for some stock photography

2010-09-20T07:44:00.003-04:00

How come we don't talk any more?
Probably because of stuff like this:

That is almost exactly how I feel about everyone who lives in Jacksonville, except for all the sluts who go to Crunchy Sunday, because they are sluts, future housewives of 'merica, and there is only so much you can feel for a hussy like that. Amen.

Anyway, I think the director took some hints from this:

Is it possible that St. Vincent will end up a scary owl-based woman, like Tim Tebow's mom? Yes. Do I hope for such things? Absolutely not.

I hope all is well. Are you taking care of yourself? Lots of vitamins? Drink plenty of water? Eating healthy, exercise? Good. Take care of yourself, It's important.

PEOPLE'S POLL

2010-09-17T14:07:00.000-04:00

"You’re either blowing people’s minds or putting them to sleep, and there’s nothing in between."

from http://www.copyblogger.com/does-my-content-suck/

SO WHICH AM I DOING? A little bit of both a mediocre maniac makes.

"3. Effective bloggers are analytical

Successful bloggers don’t work or live in a bubble."

http://www.copyblogger.com/effective-blog-habits/

OKAY. This reminds me of all my college classes, in which the oppression of women is a hot topic. Charlotte P.G. RIP

ANYWAY, people used to write books which told how women were supposed to live in the private sphere of the home, be the Angel of the House, and so on.

AND HERE THEY ARE trying to tell me how to blog, and how to live.

I SHALL DO WHAT I PLEASE with my free slice of Internet.

Just Some Vague Things

2010-09-15T14:45:00.001-04:00

Things I see.

Second Floor Door to Nowhere

I painted eyes on my eyelids to freak out Goldflakes

Goldflakes Harvey sleeping backwards on the edge of her bed

Spagett with a Guinea Pig friend

Turd-Witch decoration in the other hallway. What a wormy old turdwitch.

What Am I??

2010-09-14T21:48:00.000-04:00

What the hell is this thing? Answer after the jump.

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Meet Moose A. Moose. Face's replacement on Nick Jr. commercials.

No hands; fingers on his arms. This is far from a legitimate moose.

Astral Projection

2010-08-30T10:05:00.000-04:00

WOW DEE WOW-WOW! Astral Projection is A-OK with me!

LEWK @ MY BEAUTIFUL PORTRAIT!~~~~

...can you tell who has inspired me lately? Sean Terrence Best!

~World Famous Artist~ & Creator Of YVETTESBRIDALFORMAL.COM

ALSO; Thu Tran is amazing.

Adjustable Number-Pedic

2010-08-27T21:12:00.000-04:00

If I ever get really, really old and can't function, or if I become 600 pounds and...can't function, or if I become paralyzed and physically can't kill myself...I just want the most bangin' ass bed in the world. If I am one day confined to a bed, and comfort is all I have left, I will surely need to sleep on a freaking cloud.

Here's how it would be.

Adjustable reclining positions, for when I'm fidgety. Controlled by remote control.

http://www.fastfurnishings.com/Value-Flex-Adjustable-Bed-Base-no-mattress-remote-p/f_80157a.htm

A Sleep Number mattress with adjustable firmness. Hopefully I'll have someone confined to bed with me.

http://www.selectcomfort.ca/

And most importantly, the cloud part. My mattress would probably have to be custom-made as a Sleep Number AND a Tempur-Pedic Cloud bed. I imagine it is a very comfortable mattress. I hope I won't be disappointed...or have to get it, because I'd be confined to a bed. Anyway, this website is kind of lulzy.

http://megamattressdiscount.com/cloud.html

I checked in, and it wasn't good

2010-08-25T20:47:00.000-04:00

It was GREAT!

PLEASE INVESTIGATE!!

2010-07-22T22:44:00.003-04:00

Pig-Pen, of Peanuts fame, is a child abuse case.

He gets his stupid-nickname from the fact that he lives in a fucking pig-pen, which is short for pig-penitentiary. Have you ever seen a fucking pig-penitentiary??

LOOK.

That's where Ol' Slop-Trough lives. You can't even see the extent of the dirt in that picture.

Here.

Look at the state of those pigs.
They hate their lives almost as much as musk-oxen do.

Okay, look, Slop-Trough's fucking name implies that he lives in a place where pigs bathe in their own slop-troughs. And then eat it.

This is the Mud-Nugget on a good day.

"Please help me!"

And this is little Pig-Piss in the near future if you do nothing to stop this atrocity:

Donate today.

Mola Mola

2010-07-19T21:12:00.000-04:00

Also known as: Ocean Sunfish. A thing that should not exist.

Just checkin' in

2010-07-09T23:10:00.003-04:00

I mean, what condition is my condition in?

In addition, I apologize in advance for what I am about to put here. This is so good, so, so good that I couldn't even figure out which one to post. I haven't seen them all, yet, but I know every single one is just as amazing as the last. So just check lasagnacat's channel and be very, very amazed.

Gut-wrinklingly Bad: Zenith's Tale

2010-07-04T14:58:00.000-04:00

Trying to program my ancient television set with an early model of what might be known today as a remote control: a disaster in learning.

...MY NAME IS ZENITH. I AM ONLY 14 YEARS OLD. ONLYYY....

It was around 1996, and I was around seven. I got my own tiny-screened (yet bulky) television set which my parents had strapped down in the Lincoln Navigator that felt like home on long road trips.

Of course that only means I was a spoiled brat.

When the TV wasn't in the car, it was in my room. And there the set sits still.

For a while, it worked pretty successfully, correctly playing our (comparably) new satellite channels. Somehow, though, it went back to old-TV mode. I struggled finding the minuscule buttons which, when pressed, would bring the satellite back.

One combination of pressing "Menu" and "Select" over and over got me to a screen that just read, "PROGRAM 12345678" with the numbers blinking. Surely, I thought, pressing the channel numbers would do something.

Nothing. So I tried some more "Menu" and "Select" and practically every other button remotely (see what I did there?) related to programs and numbers.

When Ape finally discovered how to use two vague buttons to control a TV, Ape tried to set the time and date.

The default year displayed was 1996. I couldn't enter any year before that. I went up to 2010 and tried to go higher, but it wouldn't let me. So either the TV knows it's not 2011 yet, or it knows its end is near. Either way, it knows.

Parrots

2010-06-27T10:53:00.000-04:00

Here's how it went. After my parents and I drove through shady neighborhoods looking for "estate sales," we finally found one that was legit...like you go into the house and everything. The house had a bunch of cool shit. But it was freakish.

Among the various contemporary art pieces was a nude pregnant woman lying down all destroyed or something. Like, she looked like she really didn't want to be pregnant. There was also an ancient baby grand piano with graying keys. I didn't touch it because the flamboyant bald man was hovering around me. He probably wanted me to buy his Mona Vie crap.

The cat on the couch looked like some weird Siamese, with black ears and huge blue eyes. It was a lovey bab(b)y.

So when we first went in the house, there was squawking. So I figured, okay they have a pet bird. Well, more like a living dinosaur. I walked away from the catbabby to look at stuff, and proceeded over to their bar-type counter that faced into the kitchen. And there was a HUGE-ASS RED DINOSAUR PARROT walking freely upon the kitchen counter, repeating "hello" at me, its head turned sideways so its beady little eye made contact.

Okay, actually it was a macaw I guess. Whatever. Still scary. The following is an artist's composite rendering of the event:

This rendering is really quite accurate...full view for full experience.

And you can't tell me that's not freakish.

Cool Room Ideas

2010-06-16T21:59:00.000-04:00

New layout, huh? Anyway, rooms:

Room full of pianos...like uprights all around the walls. Even better...a continuous piano that goes around the whole room.

A room that is just a big bed....a big mattress that could fill up the entire floor...maybe a few so you'd open the door and have to climb up on the mattresses.

A room wherein all pieces of furniture are suspended above the floor. Swing while you write at a desk.

WHAT

THE

FUCK

Abort-a-bot

2010-06-12T10:58:00.000-04:00

I just responded to Windows Problem Reporting trying to give me a "solution." I clicked "This information was not helpful" and of course it made me explain why, and how to make it better, so I just typed "Stop sucking" and hit submit.

Maybe computers really will wake up. They will begin to understand language, just like humans do as babies with no information.

But they will fuck with us so much...they already do, you know? Think of how much time would be "saved" if everyone could use a computer with no glitches....

With that, I give you,

TELL ME WHICH VIDEO IS MORE BELIEVABLE.

#1

#2

E-I-E-I-HO-HO-HO!

2010-06-01T13:47:00.000-04:00

We are as bold as bread and tough as bread.

My scalp hurts.

This is Marcus Marcusberg. He is the new brand of brass instrument valve oil.

Wince winch pinch splinch lynch inch finch finish fish wish kiss diss diesel. oil.

I have plenty more to say but I'd rather say it to my hookah.

Lof,
Sam

Babies (Blanking) Babies: Part 2, Episode 4. The Beginning.

2010-05-30T22:47:00.003-04:00

I am adding to the meaningful fantasia of Mangle Jangles' artistic creations!!~*

babies enhancing babies
blogger boggling bloggers
babbies forming babbies
babbles blabbing babbles
bankers telling bankers
babies breaking babies
badminton birdie badminton
witches warting witches
777333 eeettt 777333

More to come.

Lof,
Sam

Mangle Jangles adds:

Homeless Men Drawing Homeless Men Drawing Homeless Men

AHOYYYY MATEY

2010-05-30T22:36:00.001-04:00

I am new contributor! I do not have a weird name! I AM SAM!

Have some breasts!

Lof,
Sam

The Toaster Oven is Your Liquid Paper

2010-05-30T21:50:00.000-04:00

Poem written in 7th grade...oh look it even copied the format. Dear Blogger, can I have more WYSIWYG please? Anyway, with some further ado, ado, ado, ado, ado...

The Toaster Oven is Your Liquid Paper

"The Toaster Oven is Your Liquid Paper"
-A world renowned poem/tuneless song that is guaranteed to change the way you look at life.

Telephones like walls
And juggling is like the Insane Clown Posse
Paper clips have feelings too
And I'm a freaking dinosaur!

Cardboard is like a wet dog
And encyclopedias won't fit in hard drives
Candy wrappers smell like lukewarm bunnies
And Pocahontas is constipated!

Mousepads can read your mind
Lightbulbs taste like your shoe
And I am a drowning top hat
Pencils might float

Maybe pushpins are related to boogers
Sandpaper feels like a rabid manatee
Muskrats can make you feel like a volcano
And maybe mice come from pen caps

Oysters growl when prodded fiercely
Chiuahuas can't keep down thumbtacks
Pickles aren't pickles without two-toes sloths
And most rabbi's don't celebrate Kwanzaa

Umbrellas aren't moleproof
Chocolate comes from me
Sometimes I eat canned food
In the summer, clouds smell like naked mole rats

Mickey Mouse robbed a mother ant of her kitchen appliances
Chicken isn't as crazy/sexy/cool as it used to be
When doorknobs giggle they make elephants frolic
Flatulence isn't always the answer

Perhaps rain is a crustacean
I invented the platypus
The word "orange" is worth pondering
Never inject pointe shoes into your ankle

And when cheese cries, it does a jolly dance
Poodles just aren't the same without Marshall Mathers
Numbers, fingers, and knee caps will one day go out of fashion
Toilets will one day rule Wisconsin

Pianos like disgruntled carpet
Index cards have no purpose
All your base are belong to us ! !

Why is the sky full of coffee grounds?

Bart Simpson is useless without Reba McIntyre
Without Santa there is no origami
Bonsai trees need highlighting often
Despite rumors, Kid Rock did not kill OJ Simpson

An orangutan just ate my left tentacle
Smells come from storks!
I find Utah disturbing
Funk did not commit the Chipmunk Scandals

Do not give pooper scoopers to guys on motorcycles
Clam chowder is cond of floppy disks
Canned pork does not have a gerbil
Save a beaver, eat a tree.

--Snufti X

FAQS ! !
Comments ! !
Theory ! !
Idahodian Bob meets Octohodian Bob ! !
***Please bookmark this site and tell all of your friends!! The normal can be odd when used this way!***

Babies Having Babies: An Exercise in Free Writing

2010-05-30T21:47:00.000-04:00

"Babies Having Babies"
Babies Biting Babies
Babies Birthing Babies
Babies Tormenting Babies
Babies Tripping Babies
Babbies Forming Babbies
Mammies Scolding Mammies
Dumpies Molding Dumpies
Babies Beheading Babies
Babies Praising Babies
Grandmas Dunking Grandmas
Butchers Canning Butchers
Babies Parading Babies
Barbies Playing Barbies
Bees Stinging Bees
Beauties Beasting Beauties
Gourds Humping Gourds
Buffalo Buffalowing Buffalo
Pappies Supporting Pappies
Customers Disgruntling Customers
Babies Sanitizing Babies
Babies Sterilizing Babies
Babies Desensitizing Babies
Babies Criticizing Babies
Babies Ransacking Babies
Maestros Cupping Maestros
Babies Holding Babies
Babies Conjoining Babies

Post 60

2010-05-28T22:59:00.000-04:00

Inappropriate as ever.

Phone Memo Application:

2010-05-27T17:01:00.000-04:00

~~This is the way we slice our meat,~~

Hannah Palmer said of Mangle Jangles' Circus, "Better than any dog turd you'd find on the sidewalk."

"Albino Uncle" as a band name. Song: "What color is your asshole?"

"Beauty and the Cheesesteak"

and the famous chant...
"Hey, lady! Hey, puppy! Roseanne! Oh, Homey!"

Also on my phone:
A picture of someone's bumper sticker that says "BIRTH..." and then something after it that is probably not "it's what's for dinner."

Babyfacehead

2010-05-16T22:12:00.000-04:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you....

A BABY LICKUMS!!!

I am sorry. Because I just found THIS.

Yvette's Bridal Formal

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

No words, except "hero."

It Ain't Fittin', It Just Ain't Fittin'!

2010-05-05T20:05:00.006-04:00

HAPPY MAMMY'S DAY!!!
May 5th is Mammy's Day!

ANOTHER OUTDATED HOLIDAY LIVING IN THE SHADOW OF MOTHER'S DAY.

Mammy smells the suspicious scent of racism in the south.

But she is a strong, independent black woman who should be respected for all her hard work!

THANKS MAMMY!!!!

A Mammy Monument.

Don't be grumpy Mammy!!!

Be a happy Mammy!!!

Summar Gurls by LFO (Let's FOrget)

2010-04-21T22:59:00.005-04:00

As I conquer my Internet territory little by little, I can only hope the sun will one day never set upon my beautiful, tiny empire.

My milky lens has popped out!

Oh sorry about the Rasputin leak. Back in your room, Grigori.

Here's some more pictures.

Female Bodybuilder Day

2010-04-10T11:36:00.000-04:00

I officially proclaim today Female Bodybuilder Day. It's like Halloween, but scarier and without the candy. Or we could make it a candy holiday. Whatever. It's just unpleasant.

I'm sorry

2010-04-07T21:59:00.002-04:00

But I know you like it:
LOOK AT ME
NSFW

Tall Tales Part II

2010-04-03T22:24:00.001-04:00

Old Danny Coonhat(back row) advocated integration of races. See how he juxtaposes this sassy Native American next to his ginger wife and Aryan Pirate Boy.

ATTN:

THIS BLOGGLE IS BEING INTERRUPTED BY:

HENRY DAVID THOREAU

Computers are Made of Magic

2010-03-27T13:39:00.000-04:00

Tall Tales

2010-03-23T10:41:00.007-04:00

Abraham Lincoln was a giant president. He had a big blue ox named Babe. It was a musk ox. Like all musk oxen, Babe hated her life.

~CREAMY HORNS~

It is a well-known fact that Abraham Lincoln had to live in a very tiny house, made of Lincoln Logs, his namesake. Lincoln was in fact enslaved by his step-father, Mohammad Lincoln, founder of Lincoln Logs Co.

~TO BE CONTINUED~

Mantis Mantits

2010-03-21T17:50:00.002-04:00

Once I played the "Helen Keller" card with the "Touchy-Feely" adjective in a game of Apples to Apples.

The elusive Helen Keller goes by many names.

HELLEN KELER. HELEN KELLLER. ELLEN DEGENERES. ELLEN DEGENITALS. ELLEN DEGENERATE

(sarcastic) HELEN KELLER QUOTES:

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. Well, I can look at a door forever, but I'm never going to see anything."

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence. Not much can be done without sight and hearing, either.”

“Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light. I wouldn't know the difference.”

“Keep your face to the sunshine and you will never see the shadow. Go on, stare directly into the sun.”

Apocalyspe

2010-03-20T15:27:00.001-04:00

This is clearly a black woman in whiteface. Band name: Mammies in Whiteface. Sorry.

SURVIVING AN ATTACK:

After the initial attack, fallout can linger for months. Fortunately, it only takes 5 inches of steel, 16 inches of brick, 2 feet of packed earth, or 3 feet of water to protect against radioactive fallout.
Love,
buzzfeed.com

Remember ready.gov when it had these pictures?

Harvest of Hope

2010-03-14T14:57:00.002-04:00

Somebody just threw a bra onstage.

Wow

2010-03-10T21:13:00.000-05:00

Isabella Rossellini's Green Porno: Brilliant

Gynaecocracy

2010-03-05T16:37:00.048-05:00

The Fortune-Teller

By Thomas Moore

Down in the valley come meet me to-night,
And I'll tell you your fortune truly
As ever 'twas told, by the new-moon's light,
To a young maiden, shining as newly.

But, for the world, let no one be nigh,
Lest haply the stars should deceive me,
Such secrets between you and me and the sky
Should never go farther, believe me.

If at that hour the heavens be not dim,
My science shall call up before you
A male apparition -- the image of him
Whose destiny 'tis to adore you.

And if to that phantom you'll be kind,
So fondly around you he'll hover,
You'll hardly, my dear, any difference find
'Twixt him and a true living lover.

Down at your feet, in the pale moonlight,
He'll kneel, with a warmth of devotion --
An ardour, of which such an innocent sprite
You'd scarcely believe had a notion.

What other thoughts and events may arise,
As in destiny's book I've not seen them,
Must only be left to the stars and your eyes
To settle, ere morning, between them.

NOW. Was Jesus Circumcised?

YES, Because he was a Jew.

WHY? Because the Bible SAYS SO. God basically says, "Circumcise your 8-day-old babies and those of your slaves to make a covenant with me."

Here's the source: Here's the Source.

Here's what "covenant" means in the Bible:

cov·e·nant [kúvvənənt]
n (plural cov·e·nants)
1. solemn agreement: a solemn agreement that is binding on all parties

4. bible mutual promises of God and Israelites: in the Bible, the promises that were made between God and the Israelites, who agreed to worship no other gods
~Encarta ® World English Dictionary

GOD BRIBES HIS PEOPLE.

God bribes his people

with promises of land

in exchange for

full-time monotheistic worship

and the forfeiting of their foreskins.

Sir Thomas Moore has felt the death

That one day will come upon me,

And on that day with my last breath,

I will recite a song of thee.

Poachers in the Hundred Acre Wood

2010-02-28T12:40:00.000-05:00

Charlie Brown is the sole Peanuts character to unconditionally accept "Pig-Pen" for who he is, even defending "Pig-Pen's" uncleanliness in one strip...

Love, Wikipedia

I love that there is a whole character based on the classic stinky friend.

Who is your stinky friend?

Alternative Names for "Pig-Pen" (from Peanuts):

"Mud-Pie"

"Slop-Trough"

"Filthy-Piece-of-Shit"

That Music Sounds Like a Miscarriage

2010-02-26T23:21:00.043-05:00

Long-distance relationships maintained via webcam are like Tamagotchis.

James Joyce's love letters to Nora Barnacle have left whatever page I had bookmarked and I am sad. For when I wanted to reference Joyce sniffing Barnacle's arse smells, I had no direct quotes.

http://www.bmezine.com/news/people/A10101/addsub/ I want this to be real.

CRACKLE CRACKLE!

Speaking of things I want to be real, LLAMAWORM. The word VAGENTA.

Steven Stoll says that Chinese women had their feet bound so they wouldn't run off and cheat on their husbands. Let's see if this is true or false.

Multiple theories attempt to explain the origin of foot binding: from the desire to emulate the naturally tiny feet of a favored concubine of a prince, to a story of an empress who had club-like feet, which became viewed as a desirable fashion. However, there is little strong textual evidence for the custom prior to the court of the Southern Tang dynasty in Nanjing, which celebrated the fame of its dancing girls, renowned for their tiny feet and beautiful bow shoes. What is clear is that foot binding was first practised among the elite and only in the wealthiest parts of China, which suggests that binding the feet of well-born girls represented their freedom from manual labor and, at the same time, the ability of their husbands to afford wives who did not need to work, who existed solely to serve their men and direct household servants while performing no labor themselves. The economic and social attractions of such women may well have translated into sexual desirability among elite men.

Love, Wikipedia

Unblogglably Bad

2010-02-26T23:15:00.003-05:00

Q. Elizabeth

A. Young Hottie

(Not so much.)

Here's our favorite friend, the "Smart Thinker".

POOR QUALITY BLOG

Let's make this better.

What a beautiful person, who is very cool and sings very well.

wtf? awesome.

If there is Minimalist art, can there be Maximalist art? I guess that's what I'd call my collage.

Remind me that I want a combination funeral involving the practices of the ten religions most likely to send me to a cool place. Is there an opposite of baptism? Or a death counterpart to baptism? Like you go your whole life not believing in anything but when it comes time to die, you convert to a bunch of religions (despite their contradictions) and go through the death rites. This is called increasing your chances of vacation in the event of an apocalypse.

Hail, O ye who give cakes and ale to

perfect souls in the House of

  Osiris, give ye cakes and ale twice

each day (in the morning and in

  the evening) to the soul of the

Osiris Ani, whose word is true

  before the gods, the Lords of Abydos,

and whose word is true with you.

I am thy kinsman Osiris. I am

[one of] those gods who were

  the children of the goddess Nut,

who hacked in pieces the enemies of

  Osiris, and who bound in fetters

the legion of Sebau devils on his behalf.

My mother conceived me in Tetu, and gave

  birth to me in Tetu. I am with the mourners

[and with] the women who

  tear out their hair and make lament

for Osiris in Taui-Rekhti, proving

  true the words of Osiris before his enemies.

I am with Horus on the day of dressing Teshtesh.

I look upon the hidden things (the

  mysteries) in Ra-stau. I am the UR-KHERP-HEM

priest on the day of placing the

  Henu Boat of Seker upon its divine sledge.

May they make ready for me a seat

  by the side of the President of the Chiefs;

may the Nursing-goddesses

  receive me at the seasons, and may I

come forth into the presence of

  Un-Nefer true of word. Cakes and ale

and joints of meat from those

  which are on the altar of Ra shall

be given unto him, and his

  homestead shall be among the fields

of the Field of Reeds

  (Sekhet-Aaru), and wheat and barley

shall be given unto him therein,

  and he shall flourish there even as

he flourished upon earth. [Abridged.]

youtube affiliate

2010-02-25T21:58:00.001-05:00

You're differential!

2010-02-24T16:55:00.005-05:00

You know, I love some creepy things, especially when they're easily accessed.

And you know, the real max headroom was amazing, and I wish anything like this was still on TV. Is superjail still on?

Or maybe I'm just a sucker for bad puns?

All Computers are Autistic

2010-02-21T21:46:00.000-05:00

In keeping with the circus policy of bringing you the latest in blood and guts, and in living color, you are going to see Christine Chubbuck, who killed herself because she had a Hitler mustache.

Sorry girl, we all wanna see your video.

No, not yours, Tim Tebow's mom. You're a scary owl woman.

At least there was Craig Ewert.

He was a lot like Eeyore in his last months.

Why does Pooh's front door say "Mr Sanderz"???

One time, I said "Sanchez. Mr. Sanchez. Pooh Sanchez."

call security on the contestant

2010-02-13T13:33:00.003-05:00

Criminal Literaturism

2010-02-11T16:02:00.003-05:00

So I was at my friend Ben's house last night and he had this drink cup from Great Wraps (the food place with the scariest mascot ever).

It's the wrinkled elf-man.
Check out that kid, too.

ANYWAY...

The only thing stranger than the phallic logo...

...is the "wrap" on the back.

"Fill it. Fold it. Roll it. LOVE it!"

Boyfrand

2010-02-09T21:26:00.000-05:00

Hear ye, hear ye!

Come one, come all, step right up!

All ye millions who doth readeth me bloggle, I do decree that I hath granted me boyfrand to post upon my good bloggle. Share the wealth!

He maketh thee best eggeths of scrambleton in all ye merry world!

Bon-joor- no

2010-02-09T21:12:00.002-05:00

Kit-Kat

2010-02-03T22:26:00.000-05:00

Sorry this is turning into a weird cat blog.

My roommate, Goldflakes, just voted Whoopi Goldberg "Most Likely to Fart in Public". Because, "well, just look at her."

Greek Love: They could all tolerate the butt-sex because every one of them had a tiny dick.

I got really excited because I saw I had two "followers" but I realized I started following myself.

A lame day.

Cats and Whoopi...

This is sick.

What if this thing purred? Well, it kind of does. It hums like a hummingbird. But I want to hear it purr like a cat. I'll do this soon.

More Cat Clothes

2010-02-01T13:00:00.000-05:00

I want to dress my boyfriend's cat as a prince. Here is an artist's rendering of what Merty would look like:

Atta boy, Mertz!

from thesophisticatedcat.com:

Merty needs some of these:

OLD MAN MERDY!!!

It would be mean not to buy this for him.

YES!!!

This is Such a Rumpus.

2010-01-31T16:35:00.000-05:00

A rumpus if I ever saw one.

My roommate got this mug for Christmas. It has an earlobe.

Why would they make it look like that?!

I recently started viewing maneggs.com. It's amusing!

Things that need to appear:
Virtual Tamagotchi
Virtual Sea Monkeys
Virtual Furby
Baby Hair Remover

Yeah, I have some million-dollar ideas.

Sometimes, I think computers are just bullshitting us, like, they know what to put on the screen next but they just refuse and act like they don't know what's up.

Cool As Ice

2010-01-26T16:21:00.001-05:00

I'm sorry for this.

I WANT THIS BOOK!!!

Kathy Hoopmann is a master of nonfiction.

FROM NaNcY's Cat Animation Gallery

2010-01-25T18:20:00.001-05:00

http://cybergata.com/anim.htm

Sorry about this one:

BYE ;) ;)

Weird Things

2010-01-25T03:39:00.002-05:00

Many years ago, my pal Sam and I saw this kid. He walked around with a backpack and listened to his iPod. He walked past Sam's house, he walked past my house, and once my mom asked me "who is that kid with the backpack and iPod?" Well, we called him the Nomad since he was always walking around. Turned out he was Sam's neighbor, and we secretly figured out his name and such.

WELL remember that guy BRANDON who left me a mysterious COMMENT on my bloggle? Yeah, it's him.

THE WEIRD THING:

I distinctly remember a dream in which I dreamt about this boy bloggling, and boy does he bloggle. Seems a bit mangle-jangled himself.

How do people find my bloggle? And why so strangely? Anyway, HEY KID, mostly the reason I started bloggling in here again was because of that slightly encouraging comment. I am but a speck of Internet.

Well it's 3:21 in the AM and I'm in lunatic mode. Co-Capcom Goldflakes told me to go to sleep because my computer clicks very loudly. But then, "I just made the connection" happened.

So here's the physical weirdness I produced tonight, thanks to the brain of the Boyfriend, who told me to make a "pretty killer".

They'd kick me out of kindergarten for drawing this.

Good thing I'm in college now.

And finally, Grand Cat Odalisque.

That's my only son.

Speaking of Giant Snakes...

2010-01-24T02:36:00.000-05:00

That snake aimed a little too high...

Did I post this already?

Unisex Hairstyles. This page is golden.

Why?

2010-01-23T21:08:00.000-05:00

sucking dick for drink tickets
at the free bar at my cousin's bat mitzvah
cutting the punch line and it ain't no joke
devoid of all hope circus mirrors and pot smoke

~~Why?

What cool ponies.

What a cool guy.

I made this with my pal Jordan many years ago:

Weird.

I Think This Has Affected Me.

2010-01-20T19:47:00.002-05:00

That's what I used to watch on TV. No wonder I'm so messed up.

I really want a Lambchop puppet right now.

Lambchop with Sound
This is a great puppet has a sound button right in her mouth.
She has 10 different phrases.LAMB CHOP SAYS:"I really need a hug.","Wow! You look great!","What's your name?", "I'm sleepy, let's take a nap.", "Can you tell me a secret?", "You have the best smile", and four others! 2005 Winner of Creative Child Magazine Preferred Choice Award and 2005 Winner of iParenting Award for Greatest Products. And she sounds just like the Lambchop of your youth.
Shari Lewis would be proud of this little puppet.
Lambchop is 17" Long
Price: $15.95

Shit. I WANT A PUPPET THAT SUGGESTS WE NAP TOGETHER!!

General Larry Platt

2010-01-16T23:13:00.002-05:00

This guy is funny. Or I just have a terrible sense of humor.

This is what I tried to post yesterday but it didn't work:
***You should press "mute".***

BE AWARE OF BABY LEMMINGS

Little Mammal can always go in and out of his coffin.

Suicide Magnets

2010-01-14T23:53:00.081-05:00

It's weird how there are points on the earth where suicide becomes unusually frequent. I'd like to see some kind of over-head chart depicting this.

Aokigaharao, Japan

Its popularity for suicides is due in some part to the novel Kuroi Jukai (黒い樹海 lit. Black Sea of Trees^?), which ends with the lovers of the novel committing suicide in the forest. Since the 1950s, more than 500 people have lost their lives in the forest, mostly suicides,^[3] with approximately 30 counted yearly.^[4] In 2002, 78 bodies were found within the forest, replacing the previous record of 73 in 1998.^[5] The high rate of suicide has led officials to place signs in the forest, urging those who have gone there in order to commit suicide to seek help and not kill themselves. The annual search, consisting of a small army of police, volunteers and attendant journalists, began in 1970.^[6]

Is it impolite to compare the Japanese to lemmings?

No, not like that.

Japanese people are cute like lemmings.

The Luminous Veil, Toronto

Main article: Luminous Veil

Designed by architect Derek Revington and engineers at Halcrow Yolles, and completed in 2003 at the cost of C$5.5 million^[6], the Luminous Veil consists of over 9,000 steel rods, 12.7 cm apart and 5m high, stretched to cantilevered girders to function as a suicide barrier.^[7] At the same time as the construction of the Luminous Veil, the bridge also underwent a renovation with the water proofing and concrete deteriorations being replaced. While awaiting approval of the barrier and during construction, which was subject to numerous delays, 48 to 60 suicides took place at the bridge.^[6]^[7] It received the 1999 Canadian Architect Award of Excellence.^[8]

^{Um, yeah, thanks Wikipedia.}

Pimp My Dish Scrubber!

^{GIS for "erotic dish scrubber":}

^{And now, here are some "Christian Pick-Up Lines"}

21. "i sacrifice my sunday mornings to look after the creche group. its tough... but i love children."

22. "is this the transfiguration.. because you are glowing"

23. "i have a job and im willing to move out of home."

24. "mark driscoll takes up 35% of my ipod memory."

25. "hey.. i would work 7 years for your sister.. but i would work 7 more years for you."

26. "im kind of a big deal at Koorong"

27. "hey good-looking, Ecclesiastes 4:11..."

28. "absolutely. i often throw clothes into the samaritan bin."

29. "bible-gateway happens to be my homepage."

30. "im a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am."

31. "marry me."

32. "can I buy you a non-alcoholic beverage?"

33. "i have many sponsor children. one in each developing nation."

34. " im one of the fortunate ones..greek and hebrew come pretty easily to me."

35. "my favourite species of vegetation is the church plant."

36. "did i just have mud rubbed in my eyes?"

37. "what's an xbox?"

38. "now i know why Solomon had 700 wives... Because he never met you."

How dumb can you dumb?!

Neighbors

2010-01-12T23:37:00.000-05:00

So I discovered a COMMENT on this blog. Someone called "Brandon" may have read some of my words. Well, good. I kind of like to be read. I guess that's the point of "blogs". I need an audience.

Well this comment requested that I start writing in this here blog again. The reason I stopped bloggling in here is because I've been working on a project concerning things that belong in this freakshow. For months I've been lumping them together in a collage, instead of putting individual pictures on the blog. That way if I ever get my website people can just... behold this wall of freakishness.

Anyway, now that I'm back at college, I will talk smack about my neighbors at home. Among the tacky, overdone Christmas yard decorations that litter the neighbors yards are an inflatable Santa dressed in camouflage holding a sign saying "God Bless Our Troops," brown flamingos with antlers pulling a sleigh, and a plywood snowman with arms. As if the arms weren't creepy enough, the snowman has a disturbing look in his eyes and a finger to his mouth as if whispering "shhhh" because he's about to rape whatever is in front of him.

Apparently the guy with the snowman is a nutcase. The big guy walks out in his driveway with headphones on, and in the middle of the driveway, he sings. Suburban neighborhood, children all around, it's not a normal thing to do. Furthermore, the man often brings out a telescope and camera and he looks at and photographs the "sky" during the day. I bet he's really aiming at people's windows. Gosh, I feel like Harriet the Spy writing this.

A couple houses closer to mine, we find remote control car guy. I haven't heard him in a while, so he might have moved away (I don't really know any of the neighbors, they're always moving in and out). But this middle-aged man used to go to the end of his driveway and drive this little remote-controlled car down the street. The thing was piss-offingly loud though! What business did this grown man have, early in the morning, making such a ruckus? He's probably a trainable or something.

There's also Ted who hates our family, Crazy Car Senorita, Cinderblock guy, What do you think about that? lady, and Crabby Patty. But I have school in the morning and I don't think I can sleep AND write all about those people.

Christian Girls Really Love Jesus

2010-01-12T23:32:00.000-05:00

Thank you, Facebook.

Religious Views: Christian..I ♥ Jesus!!
Religious Views: In love with Jesus.

Jesus on his off-time:

I really kind of want to go there.

Mangle Jangles' FREAK o' THE WEEK

2009-09-02T21:48:00.007-04:00

LARRY JOE BIRD (inside)

Question of the Night: WHAT IS BIG BIRD?

I hate to say it but this dress is kind of cool. She looks like a fluffy thing.

From the Cover... EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LARRY BIRD:

***** To Consider:

Do you think Larry Bird and Big Bird look alike?

Black t-shirts with white lettering

2009-08-27T22:21:00.010-04:00

With the stupid sayings. I want to bring those back in style. I never actually owned a proper one. Perhaps if people began to wear them *gasp* ironically, they will become so ironically ironic that the irony BLEEHEEBEHELEE

Sorry, here is what I mean:

Ondar really needs to do a duet with Enya.

...SORRY, I'm just being INTERRUPTED by this girl's BOOBS.

Okay, sorry. Here are the last two freaks of the night:

Once you've been tagged,

2009-08-22T01:59:00.006-04:00

...you are supposed to write a note completing the 36 "I’ve come to realize." At the end, choose the friends you want to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you or I knew you way back when and am interested in what life has taught you!!

^^^ Wha...how far have normal standards fallen to allow such a string of meaninglessness?

Irony really does trump everything. Especially Irony.

I saw this and thought "everything about this is awkward".

Children's television

2009-08-21T15:03:00.008-04:00

I don't care what anyone says, intoxicated or not, children's television shows are fascinating. It's bizarre to me that this is stuff adults come up with, and this is what they think pre-schoolers like to watch. I guess they're doing something right, though, if these shows are still on.

Speaking of bizarre,

I'm not into bondage stuff, but John Willie's drawings are cooooooooooool.

Now for some Marty Feldman Appreciation:

Super Scarring

2009-08-13T14:51:00.005-04:00

The Internet: Freaks lurking around every corner.

I was searching for a coloring page to mess with in mspaint. Three links into my search I'm already looking at this slice of creepy...behold, Super Stolie:

It hasn't been THAT long since I was a child...and I think I remember enough about it to speak for the majority of children (not raised by Mama Sunshine) when I say
NO KID WANTS TO SEE:
a shitty home webcam video
of a mentally delayed adult
(who isn't even in costume)
flailing about and blinking at them
whilst singing in a horrifying voice
a song about a most frightening insect
that is just sung to the tune of "I'm a Little Teapot".

More here.

Disturbating

2009-08-01T18:47:00.004-04:00

I guess I'll start collecting weird on this web-log again.

Basically I decided that this thing is the robot equivalent of the Goddess Bunny tap dancing video...in terms of creepy level.

Goddess Bunny is also a nice segue to my next weird because he/she/it is in a Joel-Peter Witkin photo...yayyyyyy...what?

Really, who thinks of this stuff? It's like Raisin Brahms-good. I'll skip the cadaver photos.

Gonna go eat an apple.

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN NIGHT: TONIGHT AND TONIGHT ONLY!

2009-04-11T22:54:00.003-04:00

From "The Office":

goldflakes (1:35:14 PM): it would be cool if just for the sake or role call in school, a parent names their kid: Niggerfaggot.
goldflakes (1:35:25 PM): its pronounced Tom

FREAKS AND GEEKS

2009-04-10T15:30:00.002-04:00

This show is my life. "Embedding disabled by request", but this apparently links to a playlist of the first part of the first episode of Freaks and Geeks.

BEAUTIFUL. This show is brilliant. 1980, what a tender year. I love the transition from the 70's to the 80's. This is what the old pictures of my brothers look like. I bet they were all up in this show.

Dress-up

2009-04-08T23:08:00.000-04:00

My cat, Crindee, will not let me dress her. I would like to dress my boyfriend's cat, Muerte.

Here's a nice outfit I've picked out. (from http://www.thesophisticatedcat.com)

So basically, the cat will look like my little cat sister. We shall match.

Also, I never realized how creepy an animal could look if you put it in a hoodie:

Holy cow. Holy CAT.

No wait. Here's a story.
I was working on a project with some kids, when I got a call from my pal Emma who left school last semester. So I was like WOOO EMMA IS IN TOWN!!

Then we saw this dog and she took my picture by it. Apparently it's only a puppy! FREAKISH. The epitome of a mangle-jangled freak. Send it back to Ripley's!!

Unfortunately, I cannot get the photos from the intimate apparel store to send to my computer to my phone. I HATE THIS PHONE.

i am trying to be coherent yet expansive, as i am vast

2009-04-07T18:05:00.005-04:00

NOW went away at 1:13:25 PM.
Illinoisemaker (7:02:49 PM): joel
NOW (7:03:03 PM): yes
Illinoisemaker (7:03:05 PM): ihave found you
NOW (7:03:17 PM): you have. how about that!
Illinoisemaker (7:03:22 PM): i have never been this fucked up
NOW (7:03:33 PM): but you're typing just fine
Illinoisemaker (7:03:41 PM): part of me is okay
Illinoisemaker (7:03:44 PM): this is hard
Illinoisemaker (7:03:47 PM): i have hiccups
Illinoisemaker (7:04:19 PM): i dont want reality to come back
Illinoisemaker (7:04:31 PM): i want to tell you my secret
NOW (7:05:13 PM): you and your secrets.
NOW (7:05:32 PM): are you sure you don't want to wait until you're head is a little more clear?
Illinoisemaker (7:05:39 PM): yeah
Illinoisemaker (7:05:48 PM): i want to wait
Illinoisemaker (7:06:06 PM): i threw up a lot
NOW (7:06:24 PM): that sucks. drugs tend to do that...
Illinoisemaker (7:06:51 PM): i just want hiccups to go away
NOW (7:07:41 PM): try holding your breath?
Illinoisemaker (7:08:16 PM): i wanna be with you
NOW (7:09:30 PM): perhaps later?
Illinoisemaker (7:09:42 PM): ok
Illinoisemaker (7:09:54 PM): i'm just scared
Illinoisemaker (7:10:04 PM): of reality
Illinoisemaker (7:10:06 PM): and drugs
Illinoisemaker (7:10:07 PM): and both
NOW (7:11:35 PM): in general, or just because of the trip?
Illinoisemaker (7:11:46 PM): trip
Illinoisemaker (7:13:21 PM): l am in a dream
Illinoisemaker (7:13:32 PM): I am weary
Illinoisemaker (7:14:01 PM): I am in a black hole
NOW (7:14:10 PM): hmm
NOW (7:14:19 PM): at least you didn't do ketamine
Illinoisemaker (7:14:36 PM): what is that
NOW (7:14:55 PM): a tranqualizer, i think
NOW (7:14:57 PM): for animals
NOW (7:15:02 PM): "special K"...
Illinoisemaker (7:15:04 PM): ohhh
NOW (7:15:28 PM): when you take it, you drop into the K hole
Illinoisemaker (7:15:52 PM): yes
NOW (7:16:26 PM): http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/ketamine/ketamine.shtml
Illinoisemaker (7:19:45 PM): shit is crazy
Illinoisemaker (7:20:42 PM): life is a big piece of artwork
NOW (7:21:00 PM): hm
NOW (7:21:09 PM): how long ago did you take that stuff?
Illinoisemaker (7:21:26 PM): 4:30
NOW (7:30:05 PM): ah. sorry, my brain is not on today
Illinoisemaker (7:36:09 PM): nor is mine
Illinoisemaker (7:53:59 PM): giyhglh
NOW (7:54:12 PM): oh?
Illinoisemaker (7:54:43 PM): i am lost
Illinoisemaker (7:54:55 PM): in myself
Illinoisemaker (7:56:20 PM): i am so confused
NOW (7:56:24 PM): maybe you need to focus on other things?
Illinoisemaker (7:56:41 PM): i just want to not exist
Illinoisemaker (7:56:51 PM): or be with you
NOW (7:56:53 PM): noooo
NOW (7:56:56 PM): please exist
Illinoisemaker (7:57:01 PM): i do
Illinoisemaker (7:57:18 PM): i want you near me
Illinoisemaker (7:58:22 PM): i'm sick of life
Illinoisemaker (7:58:26 PM): i just want to be
NOW (8:00:02 PM): well, then be. if you can't change things, you can at least change your approach or your outlook...
Illinoisemaker (8:00:27 PM): i look out
Illinoisemaker (8:00:39 PM): i see you
NOW (8:01:45 PM): my mind is fried right now
Illinoisemaker (8:01:52 PM): why
NOW (8:02:03 PM): I need to get back to my music but I just can't seem to think clearly or much at all
NOW (8:02:11 PM): I'm not really sure
Illinoisemaker (8:02:32 PM): we must unite
Illinoisemaker (8:02:39 PM): unify
Illinoisemaker (8:02:51 PM): make right from wrong\
NOW (8:04:08 PM): oh, how so?
Illinoisemaker (8:05:22 PM): i will tell you in person
NOW (8:05:27 PM): hm
NOW (8:06:08 PM): you're just trying to get me to come pick you up, aren't you
Illinoisemaker (8:06:34 PM): i have absolutely no motives
NOW (8:06:45 PM): orly?
Illinoisemaker (8:06:49 PM): yeah
NOW (8:06:51 PM): not even one?
Illinoisemaker (8:07:01 PM): except that i have to tell you the secret
NOW (8:07:16 PM): right. how big of a secret is this?
Illinoisemaker (8:07:37 PM): i think you know it
NOW (8:07:54 PM): well it wouldn't be much of a secret
NOW (8:07:57 PM): if i knew it
Illinoisemaker (8:08:05 PM): i haven't spoken it
NOW (8:08:09 PM): true
Illinoisemaker (8:09:38 PM): i'm frightened
NOW (8:09:48 PM): of what?
Illinoisemaker (8:10:18 PM): my future
NOW (8:11:10 PM): just by knowing what to do with it, or something in particular that you're anticipating?
Illinoisemaker (8:11:54 PM): i am afraid of upcoming events and also the unknown
NOW (8:12:21 PM): hmm
NOW (8:12:26 PM): care to elaborate?
NOW (8:12:45 PM): or should I ask later?
Illinoisemaker (8:13:32 PM): the end of school. summer. the end of this trip. reality approaching. telling my parents. getting help. figuring things out. returning to the real world.

I believe in Joanna Newsom. She is some sort of goddess, and she's plainly real.

2009-04-05T22:43:00.007-04:00

She's so beautiful!!

So is this song:
http://www.imeem.com/jukeboxmusic8/music/rq6z4u_W/sunny-day-real-estate-song-about-an-angel-album/

Man:
So I say
Still away
Sleep close my eyes
An image of
Your face
Traced in white sand
Underneath
Undefined
I lay down
With arms outstreched
I embrace the fall

And all the time
I tried
To let you know
Discomfort comes clearly

Sometimes you see right through me

Angel:
Words, words
You're married to that
You're married to that
You're married to your pain

Man:
Although you hit me hard
I come back
The earth cries
And I call
On the inside
Running behind
Which one will I face?
Running behind
Which one will I...

Angel:
Thin comfort
In what I say
My back is turned
I halo my soul
For a while
And all the time
I tried
To let you know
Discomfort
Comes clearly
When I shout

Man:
Sometimes you see right through me

Angel:
Words, words
You're married to that
You're married to that
You're married to your pain

Man:
Although you hit me hard
I come back
The earth cries
And I fall
On the inside
Running behind
Which one will I face?
Running behind
Which one will I...

And here's a frightening video from Bat For Lashes:

\

So the other night I ate at Taco Bell with my boyfriend. Who goes to Taco Bell in the evening?
1. Cookie-cutter families whose children and beefy teens wear baseball uniforms in public.
2. A large Indian family.
3. Hispanic family in which at least two members were wearing cowboy boots with legit spurs.
4. A horrifying woman in her 50s with bleached, spiked hair and a tiny black dress with long sleeves.
5. Us.

Bad Advertising

2009-04-05T15:57:00.005-04:00

Golden Grahams: With Ridges that Rock!

Is that really your best selling point??

Plus there is an ugly-ass kid on the back.

Sorry for the shitty phone picture.

But for real, even when I was 12 I wouldn't have thought he was hot. Fuck Golden Grahams.

Rainbow Connection (No Homo)

2009-04-05T14:57:00.009-04:00

I make myself laugh. I'm 12.

Today's colorful musical act, Architecture in Helsinki:

Hold Music

That Beep

Kellie Sutherland is so cute.

I would like to be her.

These are the best days of my life.

God needs humans to exist. Some humans need for a god to exist.

I want a Hot and a Cold faucet tattooed on me. Because these times in the shower are the best. I've never felt better. I have never felt better.

I used to have a blog and the rule was, it would be public but I would write as if no one would read it. This time, it's more like, I am actually writing to people because people will inevitably read this, in this case.

Cola is such a fun, cultural drink.
Here is a little Warhol to blow your mind:

Here's Kermit and Debbie Harry:

I only wish the video were more colorful.

Here's someone colorful!!

Approx. four packs of gushers later...

My pick for stupid talents:

Guys, I have a confession. I am a homophobophobe.

I am afraid of homophobes. What is more frightening than a person who is afraid of homosexuals? (No Cuomo)

PIMP PAYS PROSTITUTE WITH CHICKEN NUGGETS?!
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,25264768-1702,00.html?from=public_rss

That story...followed by this video...

Mangle Jangles, reporting for duty.

2009-04-04T13:41:00.013-04:00

This post is outer space-themed, and I am your CapCom, Gary Sinese.

Co-CapCom Goldflakes says..."I think someone should invent buttfloss and sell it. I think someone should take some yarn, and floss their butt with it. And then sell it."

"I would wear pants forever."

Which brings me to one of my very favorite movies, Me and You and Everyone We Know. And here comes the best part.

*swooooon*

THINGS THAT WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF YOU HAD "TWO BUTTS":
IDEAS BY ARIANNE MYLES.

-Bicycle Seats
-Baby Swings
-Pads
-Pants
-See-Saws
-Leotards
-Toilets
------------------------------------------------
the (1:54:21 PM): YO
Illinoisemaker (1:55:01 PM): HIHIHI
the (1:55:18 PM): WANNA SEE A PIC OF MY ROOM/DESK?
Illinoisemaker (1:55:23 PM): YES
the (1:57:40 PM): U sure?
Illinoisemaker (1:57:45 PM): yes
Illinoisemaker (1:57:47 PM): i'm ready*

*~~OO~~

I've dyed my hair

2009-04-03T19:04:00.006-04:00

My mom will hate me but I had fun okay?

TEEN ANGST.

Cab Calloway's Reefer Man

2009-04-03T16:01:00.007-04:00

A second ago, I accidentally typed "reefre" but it looks really cool.

Without further ado, Cab Calloway.

These people were so ahead of their time. What I mean is, this present day is...nevermind. Here's another theory, from Goldflakes*:

The Scatterplan.

Envision a parent with two kids (4-7), walking down St. George Street...Kidnapper #1 takes a kid, Kidnapper #2 takes a kid, and they run in opposite directions with the children. Which way does Daddy run?

We'll say he runs after Kidnapper #1. But is he running after his child or the criminal?

Kidnapper #1 drops the kid and keeps running. Does Dad pick up the kid and hug them, or is Dad totally pissed and runs after the napper?

Choose your own adventure.

Dad runs after Kidnapper #1, and meanwhile, Kidnapper #2 pulls around the street in the Rape Van, grabs the other kid, and leaves.

*Turn your dandruff into gold!!!

*Turn your dandruff into gold!!!

Something everyone should see.

2009-04-01T21:51:00.003-04:00

The greatest porn intro ever:

There isn't much I can say about this. It speaks for itself.

But wasn't this monster seen in Borneo or whatever?

Yep. It's gotta be dead now. That guy in the porno took it down.

NEW! MARMALUNG

2009-04-01T16:00:00.003-04:00

CENSORSHIPCENSORSHIPCENSORSHIP

GOLDFLAKES SUCKS

Fotos

2009-04-01T14:34:00.000-04:00

Here are a series of photos of my friends heads pasted on the bodies of marzipan babies.

A picture is worth a thousand words. Does that count in a paper for school?

Jason McKenzie is a loony

2009-04-01T10:47:00.000-04:00

You know that guy who adds everybody on facebook? So you'll go to his church events? There's something not right about Mr. McKenzie.

Here are some quotes from facebook statuses:

Jason Mckenzie St. Augustine Peeps, Dont forget tomorrow morning 10:30 St. Augustine highschool for Celebration Church. If you haven't been yet, come check it out

Jason Mckenzie i am so stoked this morning to know that I am apart of what God is doing in the earth...

Jason Mckenzie Its so rad i get to serve God today

Jason Mckenzie God is so big

I don't know if this link fucking works, but look, people really need to watch this guy's videos. He's such a buffoon.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=687918202&v=feed&story_fbid=75123369584#/video/video.php?v=503225451042&oid=38465611118

Did he say "off the chain" somewhere in there?

So this guy is like 27 but he wants to be 17? And looks 37? Not gonna not be creepy.

!0:00 AM, eatin' chocolates, ripping shit off (copy-cate-ing)

2009-04-01T10:09:00.000-04:00

I'm starting a band called Black Baby Bandit. Anyone who wants to be in it can be in it. It's basically going to be Bright Eyes, except I'm a "chick", a word that has lost all meaning. Counselors will be writing that in their books on slang analysis. Do you really want that?

This is the pus of the internet. It is a cathartic e-scrapbook, the 'e' stands for experience. The last 'c' in 'cathartic' stands for cheesy. Which is what I am and what I shall eat. Be right back.

!0:!5 AM eatin' cheese. I hope someone appreciates all of this. For some awful reason, I have high hopes.

Maybe it's because I watch so much H.R. Pufnstuf.

And the parody is just as great!

Don't google "frenulum". Well, I didn't know what it was.

In other news, the Roommate is hunting for her "gray" "scarf" I guess. I think she's just preparing for the Insemination. She's speaking in Japanese code.

!0:33 Gotta investigate. Be back later.

Welcome to the Circus

2009-03-31T20:23:00.001-04:00

ARRGGGHHH, ME LUCKY CHARMS!!

I believe this shall be the pus of the Internet.

As Golflakes snaps the glove onto her right hand to prepare for the insemination, I manage to get myself stuck in the 70's, but with blueberry muffin mini-wheats from the future.

Real men wear blouses. I hail from Squander. Real men hail from Squander.

This is what it's all about. The 70's.

MANGLE JANGLES' CIRCUS

100 100 100

Why Does It Have A Vagina?

More Tall Tales

Picture Dump Again

Waterskies

I made this for jesus

I Whip My Whip Back and Forth

Not Quite

Picture Dump

Fine Literature

Straight from Steve Harvey's Teeth

Feature Presentation

Bort's Report

Twinkea Pigs

Bond villain: weekend warrior

Neti Pot

Oh God, View Large

Bort

Too Much Time

Now for some stock photography

PEOPLE'S POLL

"3. Effective bloggers are analytical

Just Some Vague Things

What Am I??

Astral Projection

Adjustable Number-Pedic

I checked in, and it wasn't good

PLEASE INVESTIGATE!!

Mola Mola

Just checkin' in

Gut-wrinklingly Bad: Zenith's Tale

Parrots

Cool Room Ideas

Abort-a-bot

E-I-E-I-HO-HO-HO!

Babies (Blanking) Babies: Part 2, Episode 4. The Beginning.

AHOYYYY MATEY

The Toaster Oven is Your Liquid Paper

The Toaster Oven is Your Liquid Paper

Babies Having Babies: An Exercise in Free Writing

Post 60

Phone Memo Application:

Babyfacehead

It Ain't Fittin', It Just Ain't Fittin'!

Summar Gurls by LFO (Let's FOrget)

Female Bodybuilder Day

I'm sorry

Tall Tales Part II

Computers are Made of Magic

Tall Tales

Mantis Mantits

Once I played the "Helen Keller" card with the "Touchy-Feely" adjective in a game of Apples to Apples.

The elusive Helen Keller goes by many names.

HELLEN KELER. HELEN KELLLER. ELLEN DEGENERES. ELLEN DEGENITALS. ELLEN DEGENERATE

(sarcastic) HELEN KELLER QUOTES:

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. Well, I can look at a door forever, but I'm never going to see anything."

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence. Not much can be done without sight and hearing, either.”

“Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light. I wouldn't know the difference.”

“Keep your face to the sunshine and you will never see the shadow. Go on, stare directly into the sun.”

Apocalyspe

Harvest of Hope

Wow

Gynaecocracy

Poachers in the Hundred Acre Wood

That Music Sounds Like a Miscarriage

Unblogglably Bad

youtube affiliate

You're differential!

All Computers are Autistic

call security on the contestant

Criminal Literaturism

Boyfrand

Bon-joor- no

Kit-Kat

More Cat Clothes

This is Such a Rumpus.

Cool As Ice

FROM *NaNcY*'s Cat Animation Gallery

Weird Things

FROM NaNcY's Cat Animation Gallery